Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
