Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Boobs are out for the taking
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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