If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
