I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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