i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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