no, he came in my armpit
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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