Please, let me fuck your mom
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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