your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
