I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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