He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have to summon your inner elephant
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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