Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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