Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I met the friendliest cop last night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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