Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
