the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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