is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
