rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Help. Why am I so naked?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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