My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
