so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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