we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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