Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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