no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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