I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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