I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
