shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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