WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
