No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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