I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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