is your mom at the bar?
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
