we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
