I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
