I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
