I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
