chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
