You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize