I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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