Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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