Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
