My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
