apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
love makes seman taste better
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
