I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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