Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize