She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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