What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
