i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it penis luge time yet?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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