I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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