YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
