I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
