she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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