I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
