I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
no, he came in my armpit
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
