She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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