Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
