I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
don't judge my taste in strippers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
