you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
