You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
