im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
