so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
