I'm gonna have a badass scar
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
