Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
