I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
