I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize