I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
