glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
