No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
