You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
