speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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