dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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