i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
