I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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