Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
