If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
