So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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