There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
