End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
