guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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