i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
