I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
