You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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