Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
